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(RNS) The old adage “couples who pray together stay together” may be true, especially for African-Americans, a new study shows.

The survey of religion, race and relationships found that African-Americans attend church more as couples compared to members of other racial and ethnic groups.

Four in 10 African-American respondents said they attended services regularly as a couple, according to a study published in the August issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family. In comparison, 31 percent of Mexicans or Mexican-Americans, and 29 percent of whites, said they regularly shared a pew.

“Without prayer, black couples would be doing significantly worse than white couples,” said W. Bradford Wilcox, a co-author of the study and the director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. “The vitality of African-Americans’ religious lives gives them an advantage over other Americans when it comes to relationships. This advantage puts them on par with other couples.”

In addition to worshipping together, African-Americans were found to be more likely than non-Hispanic whites to participate in prayer and Scripture studies at home.

In general, researchers found that people in same-faith relationships and partners who attended services regularly were more satisfied with their relationship.

But scholars said religion may not always help couples. Those with divergent religious beliefs and worship attendance tend to not be as happy about their relationships.

The study, which was based on responses to the 2006 National Survey of Religion and Family Life, does have limitations, scholars cautioned. For example, the responses to the survey came from one partner’s report on the quality of their relationship and the extent of their religious involvement.

Wissmann Famiy

We are so excited to have the Wissmann family come to Pittsburgh again this year on October 8th.  The Wissmanns are a musically gifted, homeschooling family with 13 children (ages 3-27) that all play an instrument! Loren and Gloria Wissmann and their 13 children hail from Milford, Nebraska, but have spent much of the past few years traveling in family music and teaching ministry. With their 15 instruments, each song is a kaleidoscope of variety and depth. Drawing mostly from their bluegrass roots, they blend a mixture of southern gospel and smooth vocals to their numerous instruments. Featuring many original selections, beloved hymns, and gospel favorites, each concert is a musical experience filled with life, encouragement, and challenge from God’s Word. Since their family’s beginnings, they have sought the Lord specifically in the area of deepening their Christian walk and the principles of passing down a godly heritage to the next generation. Whether starting an industrial business, teaching home Bible studies, of ministering through music, their goal is to utilize God’s design for the family unit. Working together as a team, the Wissmanns share both the labor and joys of serving the Lord and investing in eternity. (II Cor. 4:18)

Please come and enjoy and consider making a contribution to their ministry.  6:30-8 pm free concert followed by a time of fellowship. Visit their website and check out their music ministry here. The concert will be at Ascension Lutheran Church; 8225 Peebles Rd., Pittsburgh, 15237, Friday evening, October 8, 2010 – Time: 6:30 pm w/ fellowship following.  RSVP to Laurence Elizabeth Gaertner by email or call 412.369.7649 If you would like to bring a refreshment, please let us know when you RSVP… we would greatly appreciate it.

We will be gathering for our annual Christmas breakfast Tuesday December 21st at the Rivers Club downtown (1 Oxford Center, PGH, 15219, Suite 411) from 7-9am. Cost for the buffet breakfast is $20.

Kim Costanza will kick into 5^th gear your Christmas spirit by playing some selections from his brand new CD on his saxophone! He will also bring the word along with Craig Whitlock who will be sharing some thoughts from his year-long service with Samaritan’s Purse in Mozambique.

Our theme this year is: God is speaking, are you listening? The author of Hebrews tells us that “God has spoken to us by His Son, whom he appointed heir of all things and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word.” Hebrews 1:2-3

Please email Leo at leo@whitefieldsfoundation.org or call 412-445-8842 to confirm your attendance. This is important as seating is limited and for our breakfast count to the chef.

I went to Yeardley Love’s funeral with my 22 year old son.  The University of Virginia lacrosse player was apparently (allegedly) murdered at the hands of a former boyfriend. My son, a college lacrosse player, was friends with Yeardley, her accused murderer, and many of the men and women on the UVA lacrosse teams.  Sitting next to him, I could feel and see him trying to process the conflicted emotions surrounding the enormity of this tragedy, compounded by knowing both the victim and the victimizer.  The young men sitting around me sobbed and sniffled. At one point in the ceremony I turned to an emotionally distraught young man and asked him if I could give him a hug. I was surprised at the strength and endurance of his hug as he held onto me seeking comfort and, I suspect, affirmation of his emotions and manhood. As he let go he said “thank you” without ever looking at me. Here lies part of the problem and a solution to the epidemic of violence women experience every day in Maryland and America.

At an early age, boys are fitted with emotional straightjackets tailored by a restricted code of behavior that falsely defines masculinity. In the context of “stop crying,” “stop those emotions,” and “don’t be a sissy,” we define what it means to “Be a Man!” Adherence to this “boy code” leaves many men disassociated from their feelings and incapable of accessing, naming, sharing, or accepting many of their emotions. When men don’t understand their own emotions it becomes impossible to understand the feelings of another.  This creates an “empathy-deficit disorder” that is foundational to America’s epidemic of bullying, dating abuse and gender violence.  Boys are taught to be tough, independent, distrusting of other males, and at all cost to avoid anything considered feminine for fear of being associated with women. This leads many men to renounce their common humanity with women so as to experience an emotional disconnect from them. Women often become objects, used to either validate masculine insecurity or satisfy physical needs. When the validation and satisfaction ends, or is infused with anger, control or alcohol, gender violence is often the result.  Violence against women is often thought of as a women’s issue; but it is a mistake to call men’s violence a women’s issue. Since men are overwhelmingly the perpetrators of this violence, this men’s issue calls to question the cultural values that produce men who hurt women. Sadly, Yeardley Love was only one of four women murdered by intimate partners that day. Who knows how many others were raped, battered, sexually abused, harassed or exploited by men that day and every day in America?

Since Yeardley’s funeral was packed with athletes, coaches, parents of athletes and sports fans, we need to look at the role sports could play in preventing future tragedies. Athletic Directors, coaches and educators have an almost unparalleled platform to bring together youth, families, and community partners to break the silence of gender violence and then design, implement and create preventive programs and activities. Educating boys and men in prevention programs is critical to reducing all forms of violence.  Coaches can and should teach their players to challenge the attitudes and assumptions that dehumanize women. Players need to be taught how to confront abusive peers and how stand up and speak out on behalf of their mothers, sisters, daughters, grandmothers, aunts and female friends.

Since so many boys no longer have a mentoring network of fathers, uncles, elders, and other males to initiate, train and guide them into manhood, coaches should and must assume part of this responsibility.

I’d like to think Athletic Directors and coaches all over  America brought their male and female teams together to help process Yeardley’s death and to implement prevention strategies within their schools and communities. Yet as someone involved nationally in the sports world, I know that did not happen. A teachable moment was overlooked in the name of business, schedules, tournaments and the reality that men often choose apathy and indifference when confronting the conditions that foster abusive male behavior. Two weeks after Yeardley’s death I watched the UVA male and female teams take field under the banner of ONE TEAM-ONE HEART-ONE LOVE. In the name of the world I want my sons and daughters to live in; I can only hope Yeardley Love’s murder sparks ONE MOVEMENT to eradicate gender violence.

Robert Kennedy said, “Let no one be discouraged by the belief there is nothing one man or one woman can do against the enormous array of the world’s ills, against misery and ignorance, injustice and violence….Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of our generation.” Each man and every coach must start challenging the social norms that define manhood and hold other men and players accountable for their behavior toward women.

Jon Kolb gave a stirring message about the greatness of our God (If our solar system is the size of a quarter then the Milky Way Galaxy would be represented by all of North America. That is one galaxy in a universe of millions!). “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.”  (Psalm 19:1-4) The DVD, “Indescribable”, that we watched Saturday hosted by Louie Giglio really brought this home powerfully as well!

Jon also talked about our calling to follow him as disciples! Kim built upon this theme in his talk on Saturday. Jon stayed with us until lunch on Saturday and the brothers really enjoyed the fellowship and “iron sharpening” time with him. Many new friendships had the chance to go deeper and established friendships opened to receive new men. There was a number of father-son duos blessed in a big way at the retreat also. Once again, the torchlight march to the cross was a highlight. The cold temperatures and the 25 mph wind could not dampen our time before the mighty cross! Many of the men commented on the powerful communion service we had on Saturday night! Brennan explained the significance of the Passover meal to the Jews, linking it to our new covenant celebration of Christ’s atoning sacrifice for us as the Lamb of God! Thanks to family members Dave Cullen who joined us from Philadelphia and Vince Wisniewski who came all the way from the Virginia Beach area!

Click here to see more picture from the retreat!

For the disciple John who authored this gospel account giving us Pilate’s discussion with Jesus, I believe there was an underlying meaning for God’s people and especially men in Pilate’s introduction.  When John wrote Pilate’s words, “Behold the Man!” he looked upon this moment in reflection after Jesus glorious resurrection. He saw this moment in the light of Jesus appearances to the 12, then to 500 others, his ascension into heaven, and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost.  When Pilate uttered those words John now knew that the fullness of Jesus manhood was at hand, it had come in the culmination of a lifetime of dependence on the Father, his willingness to learn obedience through suffering, and a love perfected in betrayal even by those closest to him.  When we look upon the scourged and beaten Jesus on the cross we behold the God Man in his glorious perfection, having run the race marked out for him without any shortcuts. He was made perfect through what he suffered. It wasn’t yet completed when Jesus rode into Jerusalem triumphantly on Palm Sunday when they shouted to a Messiah of their own creation, “Hosanna to the son of David!” There were many in the same crowd five days later calling for him to be crucified when any hopes for an earthly kingdom were now gone. It was the Jesus who Pilate introduced in mocking words, “Behold the Man!” It is the Man who uttered with his last breath, “It is finished.” He didn’t need man’s validation. He had his Father’s! John wrote after Jesus first appearance at the Passover in Jerusalem, “But Jesus on his part was not entrusting himself to them for he knew all men.” Jesus identity was rock solid through his oneness with his Father! As men we will either run after the love of the world and its validation or the love of the Father. I John2:15. We must choose.

We enjoyed great food and a great message from Joe Bellante as he told his story depicted in the book, Left For Dead, by Sal Greco. Thanks to everyone who attended. 

Click here to see pictures from the event!

Click below to hear Joe Bellante speaking at the breakfast.